Handkerchief Confessions

Today is the second to the last day with my sisters at my house for some 18 or so days.
We’re off to Omaha in a matter of minutes, with my husband in tow, to go to the wonderful zoo.

But first, we get to have brunch with two of my friends, ones that I met online (and they’re really who they say they are, so no lectures on stalkers and old men predators), for the second time in a year (by one month, even)!  Can’t wait to see Kristin and Megan again!

And in other news, I’m already tired of all of the talk about Michael Jackson.  What about Farrah?  She gets no recognition for what she did all of a sudden?

I wish that someone had my life map out. My story. Written out in a bullet format, detailing key circumstances of my life and my development in character.

That way, someone could highlight where I must have gone so wrong, what I did, what it is about me that makes it okay for people to treat me like a worthless piece of garbage.

Not all people, I suppose. But there are key figures in my life story who someone how find it appropriate to treat me like crap, to belittle me, make me feel horrible, to solicit anger and frustration, to raise my blood pressure, and to make me break down and sob, time and time again.

Someone, tell me where I went wrong, and how to make it right.

Someone tell me how to make myself worthy.

Sometime last week, Wednesday, I think… I hurt my back. Somehow. Not sure.  I don’t remember doing anything, but I remember waking up Thursday in some pretty intense pain, and even took VTO from work that day so I could come home and just lie down.  I did that, wasted the entire day away sleeping.  Went to work on Friday with lots of Excedrin in my system and made it through the day.  Been taking the pills ever since and it’s been working pretty well.

Let’s just say that I’ve been cranky, in pain, kind of a smartie-pants, and bored since I hurt myself.

Kind of remind myself of a less-drug addicted Dr. House now that I think about it.  Hmm.

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Busy.  Busy, busy, busy.  It seems we are always busy.

Alone, I’m often busy with work, caring for the beagles, catching up on sleep, and of course, taking photographs.

My darling husband Jake is even more busy than I with work, 12-14 hour days five days a week, and then of course attempting to sleep and spend time at home.

As a couple, we try our hardest to find time to spend with our family and our friends, doing wedding photography, and not neglecting our precious dogs.  We really only get the weekends to spend together doing things, and every other weekend, it’s only on Sunday.  It’s amazing the things we find time to do- weekend trips, double dates, dog park visits, wedding photography, etc.  Our schedules are often booked months in advance.  I can tell you what we’re doing each weekend now through the third weekend in July.

What it seems we cannot find time to do is spend time together, just the two of us, no distractions, and no one else.

This past weekend, we set aside one full day to be together.  Just the two of us (and Wendell and Vivian for part of the day) to reconnect, spend time together doing things, and doing nothing at all. To cuddle, to kiss, to go to the park, to go to the zoo, to watch a movie… to talk.  To laugh.  To smile.  To hug.

And let me tell you, that one day together was worth more to me than the last month’s activities combined.  If I felt I could remember further back than that, I can bet you it was worth more than even then added to it.

I cannot wait for our next day together.  The Mr. & Mrs.

I am SO proud of myself at this very moment.

I just finished uploading the last photograph for my Project 365! (Click the number to see them all.)  I started it on a whim, last year, inspired by an online friend who had taken on the project herself.  At first, I struggled.  Soon, I became very excited to find a photograph every day.  In the middle, I struggled.  In the end, I had a hard time finding something interesting, for no particular reason.  At the very end, I was so excited it was hard to choose one photograph per day to commemorate with.  But, I did it.  Others I know tried and gave up.  I never threw in the towel.  It doesn’t seem like much, but it is quite the feat.  Quite an accomplishment, to me.

I didn’t know for sure if I could go the entire year without missing a day, and even more challenging a task- finding something interesting enough to photograph to commemorate a bit of that day. But I DID.

Now, I just have to decide, should I start again on Sunday?  Should I wait until a significant date in the year?  Should I even bother at all?  Should I relinquish my handle on the wonderful camera and challenge my husband to a year?  Should we both wait, and challenge each other when we own two nice cameras?  Oh, the decisions to make….  Any input?

I am going to print a book for myself to treasure the year.  A scrapbook, almost.  It is already fun for me to look back over each photo and remember things about each day.  What a great way to jog a person’s memory!  And what a fantastic way to explore photography and improve my own skills!

And… Happy 10th Birthday, baby sister!!  I forgot I had started the project the day after Allison turned nine.  Today, she turns ten.  Where does time go, anyway!?